I am writing this down in hopes it will cheer me up.

Although I am filled with angst about seeing Mike, without even a really clear sense of what it is that I want (am I disappointed he has a girlfriend? Am I pleased? Does this actually affect my life in any way? Any way outside my own head? I don't quite know.), the situation is not without hope.

After all, I had a tremendous crush on Jessie for some time, and now (yes, eight years later, I know) seeing her with her girlfriend, I mostly think "Wow, how unlike me you must be to be able to actually date Jessie, even if you do want to go play in the rain." And she is still a close and a good friend; it is just that it's hard to imagine wanting anything else now.